not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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