i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
