i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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