I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize