I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
