How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My life is pants optional.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize