be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize