I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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