Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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