Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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