If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
