Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
