had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The air taste purple.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize