just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
