she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
