How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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