so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
