If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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