a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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