would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
