i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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