this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
