batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
