i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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