wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
