Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize