I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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