Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
