The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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