I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
