I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
