Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We don't watch enough power rangers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have post one night stand depression
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