So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
