So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
