If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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