Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
as a side note pls kill me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
