Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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