The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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