toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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