I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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