He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
high people should be assigned attendants
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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