The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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