This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
