And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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