Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
