ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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