you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
