hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
