i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
