You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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