I just saw a hot homeless man
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
