Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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