just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
