i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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