Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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