I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
