dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
