i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
