you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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