She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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