I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL