so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
